dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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