you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just sharted jello shots
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
