I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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