It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
