There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
