she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
