I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
