gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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