Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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