my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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