I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
