xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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