the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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