The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
