Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
