i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
