apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
