i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
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