If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You smell like stripper and shame
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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