the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
