I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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