I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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