Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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