I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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