How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
