I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize