So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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