I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
