I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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