Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
