Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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