Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
