Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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