what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
