...so i touched it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
