i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
