I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
