i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
