gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
