so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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