And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
