I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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