1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
