So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
