just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
