Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
