She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
