Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
