Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
