a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
