Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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