But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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