about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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