I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
