so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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