see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
