He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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