Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
