I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
