Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
A+ Viking dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
