ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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