You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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