Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
