No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
love makes seman taste better
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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