i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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