Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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