Please, let me fuck your mom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
