his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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