Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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