I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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