I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
