Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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